Dressing Up

What is it about Halloween that compels ladies to take off their clothes and men to put on ladies' clothes?

Looking perpetually freshly-showered

While driving home on the QE2 highway today, I had the distinct misfortune of driving behind a motorized hunk of blue metal controlled by the worst driver I have ever encountered.
Never before have I wanted to euthanize a car before. Stupid women drivers. I really don't know why they license women to drive. I know some of us mean well, but of all the people to put in control of dangerous machines...

Speaking of the QE2 highway, the functions of monarchies in present societies are fascinating. As far as I can tell, being Queen Elizabeth the Second means having her picture on coins and in Alberta the monarchy means regal purple signs for a renamed highway.

On that note, I have a few quick questions:
Does throwing coins in fountains constitute defacing the Queen? (I don't think that she would appreciate being left below water.)
Does naming a ridiculously frustrating and usually slow moving highway after the Queen constitute as a terrible insult? (If so, is the Alberta government guilty of treason?)

Little Miss Muffet

Doing homework my basement ,
foregoing a delightful soiree.
When along came a spider that slid down besides me
and I scream and killed the damned bugger right away.

If it rains tomorrow, Edmontonians of a superstitious persuasion may have cause to blame me.

However, I am quite sure that the causality in the superstition that claims that killing a spider will mean rain the next day. Spiders, like other animals, seem to sense the weather and react in advance. So if spiders sense rain, they head indoors, which is when people are most likely to encounter and kill them. Spiders don't have umbrellas because they know to get out of the rain. (Well that and I'm sure that with eight legs, their feet would get all tangled.)

On a related tangent, many individuals profess to having an aversion to the sound of nails on a chalkboard. I think a far more heinous assault on the senses is the feeling of getting caught in a strand or two of a spider web.

61

If I had rabies, a lot more people would be dead right now.

Why is it that internal censors don't work at 2 am?

I don't know, but hopefully there is no link to community service.

I apologize that only 2 people will make any sense of any of the above. However, I would suggest that a lack of understanding is a good thing here.

Balloon mortal combat

How to be condesending - Lesson 1:
State the obvious in a very explanatory voice, conveying the impression that this might be something unknown to the other person.

example: "There are three parts: part 1, part 2, and part 3."
Really I thought that the three parts would be part 1, part root 3, and part vodka.

edited to add:
example 2: "We're concerned with anything that has come out since the 1985 publication. So anything from 1986 to the present day."

Bilingualism kills trees

[Name deleted for a good reason, I'm sure] makes me want to bite people's shoulders.

In happy news, hockey is back. :)

The most fun you can have with a broom

Curling season started again.

There is an unspoken majesty about a perfectly thrown rock curling down a sheet of ice to take out two other rocks.

It's inspiring.
It's enthralling.
It's a great way to release pent up aggression.

Tiger Training Contract Killer

While out for drinks with a few of my law school friends, a girl friend of mine asked
"is it ok that I want to have kids when I'm older?"

Apparently her perception from the first few weeks of school is that having kids and practicing law are mutually exclusive if you are a woman.

Is there something wrong with this picture?