'Do not enter' sign enforcement

I like putting random pictures together.

I'm confused, why is it that people put eggs in baskets?

That only targeted and enraged a small audience. Time for something inflammatory:

Pregnancy is the worst type of STD.

Throwing out the baby with the bath water

My word of the day:
Decollated.
Meaning beheaded.

Replacement punishment for being drawed and quartered:
Being defenestrated and decollated.
Not just available in Prague.

And according to the picture, being run down by a car may be substituted in for the defenestration part.

And then I wonder why I have nightmares.

Hi you have reached... AHHHHHHHHHH

I don't trust answering machines.
They seem sinister.
And not just like last Friday.

Speaking about things that are left-handed, wouldn't it be awesome if Jon Stewart were running for President of the USA?
He just seems to care about things. To quote Jon Stewart regarding the riots in Hungary over the apparent lies told by their PM about the economy:

"It must be nice to have a democracy that's so young you can still be disappointed in it."

And this picture suggests that he would fight for the US. (At the very least, it is more convincing than his baseball pitch.) Maybe he could make America care again.

The good ol' hockey game

Ever wonder if a certain NHL referee bets against the Oilers and then tries to call the game to ensure he wins his bets (perhaps the bets are with Janet Jones)? Ever hypothesize that said referee just hates the Oilers with a blind rage that most people might only reserve for Chelios? Did he lose the affection of a woman to Chris Pronger?

Or are you of the opinion that he is just blind, like his UPA cartoon namesake?

Thank goodness for Hockey Karma.

And Ryan Smyth. 3 goals in 2 minutes and 1 second.

That'll teach the aforementioned referee a lesson.

"The Nuke Kid on the Block"*

I think it could be fun to write for the Weekly World News, The National Enquirer or some other weekly tabloid publication. The complex formula for determining the front page story (involving the craziness of the conspiracy theory, sex appeal, and celebrities involved being proportional to the chance of being on the front page) seems stimulating and challenging.

For example, some "interesting" stories currently running:

• French Diet Secrets Revealed: Swallow Consonants, Feel Full All Day
• Anna Nicole And Lawyer Not Married
• Untimely Stigmata Injures Gymnast
• Natzy: Sick Croatian fans form a human Swastika
• India's latest move to stop child labor**

Of course next week, there will have to be a story about North Korea. The most notable thing about North Korea is that there leader is "ape-shit insane,"*** (well that and the whole nuclear thing****). Now one of the notable things about Kim Jong Il (aside from his crazy hair, love of sunglasses, and cult of personality) is that when it comes to issues concerning foreign policy, he flip flops more than John F. Kerry (allegedly) did.

So the crazy cover story theory for next week could be:

"North Korea is led by Identical Twins"

Identical twins Kim Jong I and Kim Jong II collectively known as Kim Jong Il share the dubious spot light focused on North Korea. Although they look the same, each has their own personality, hobbies, and views about North Korea's Foreign Policy; while Kim Jong I likes golf, wants to be a film director, and has always wanted to go to the UN, Kim Jong II wants to nuke everyone. The latter is also the stronger more bully-like one.

Or maybe he's a woman or something like that.
___________
*Title of this post completely and entirely taken from The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.
**This may or may not be a publication that intends to be considered a tabloid, per se.
***Cliff, Alan. Talking about Kim Jong Il. October 9, 2006.
****I'm so upset I used all those awesome graphics in my last post.

Coward or Separatist

The full title of this posts was meant to be:
"Coward or Separatist" or How I spent my morning on the phone with the province of Quebec

Earlier this week, I was sent on a mission: I needed to contact counsel for the respondent in a SCC case. Easy enough, I thought. Apparently I was wrong.

• First I needed to determine who the counsel was. The case just said "Counsel for the Respondent: City of Montreal", which was hardly sufficient.)
• Next stop google. No such luck.
• I searched through several Government of Quebec sites (the translate to English button is always in the top right hand corner), but they were as useless as a sixth toe.
• I then went searching through the SCC bulletins, finally finding the one listing the individuals responsible for the submissions. 'Eureka!' I thought, 'I know the name of the counsel.' Or not.
• I googled the guys name. Nothing.
• I searched through the same Quebec Government sites to no avail.
• I called the Ministre de la Justice's office. They directed me to the Attorney General's number. The Attorney General's number was a general recording directing me to enter an extension or type in an individuals name. His name could not be found.
• I called the "numeros frequemment appeles." They directed me to municipal courts. The municipal courts phone operator did not like English (or me) and gave me a random number to dial. The guy at that number spoke English and transferred me to another number. The recording on that number sounded a lot like the Attorney General recording. This time I pressed 0 right away. I got a secretary. She tried to find contact info for this City of Montreal lawyer. She assured me he didn't exist. She kept looking anyway. She had a conversation in French with someone else. The pages kept being flipped. And then finally: "Do you want his phone number or fax number."
• Success. I had a phone number! So I dialed it... and got voice mail.

The moral of the story: I have a new appreciation for the 9 key (which is what one pushes to get English -- that's right, we're relegated to the bottom corner of the key pad), and continuously saying good morning and knowing that each person with whom I spoke was unhappy to have to deal with me in English (except that one guy).

Thursday night is Hockey Night

Some observations from Rexall:

1) There's something reassuring about Petr Sykora.
2) Apparently Darren McCarty finds Sykora much more compelling, to the point where he went weak in the knees and fell down.
3) Apparently McCarty falling down is a reason to call a tripping penalty against Sykora.

I love hockey karma. When the refs called a silly penalty shot, Roli blocked Iginla; when the refs were only calling penalties against the Oilers, the Flames didn't score; and when McCarty fell down, the Oilers won.

Edited to add: Also, we've discovered the reason that beer is now $7.50: $5.50 for the beer, and $2 for the straw (even if you don't want the straw).