New Age Bedtime Stories

The morals from Aesop's Fables are as relevant as ever. The stories just need to be modernized. (Clearly I am very familiar with Aesop's work.)


Read the Small Print

Once upon a time there was a unicorn with a dazzling golden horn. He lived in a forest of reasonable proportions with a reasonable number of trees and a reasonable number of trees that fell while no one could hear them.

However, he was sad and alone. He had missed the memo that all the other unicorns had gone extinct.

Eventually, he contemplated joining a freak-show.


The Early Bird Catches the Worm (inspired in part by Sean Lee)

Once upon a time there was a bank robber. More specifically there was a man that was contemplating robbing a bank. He spent a great amount of time creating meticulous plans to hold up a particularly prosperous bank.

Once all the details were in place, he successfully broke into the bank, only to find out that the bank had just been robbed by another rogue party to the social contract.


Better Late than Pregnant

Once upon a time there was a particularly lovely girl with an alarming proclivity for living a century in the past. One day, she was convinced to think of England.

Did I mention that she is lovely?