Clubbed Cub Clubs Redux

Big Time Lawyer: "I need you to do some research on seals for me."

Articling Student: "Do I need a club?"

Big Time Lawyer: "No, I mean the little red seals."

Articling Student: I guess he means that they've already been clubbed...

True story.

Eating wax seals is the subject of an Ontario Court of Appeal decision; in that case, the Defendant tore off and swallowed a portion of a document that bore his signature and seal. In his dissenting judgment, Laskin J.A. wrote:

"Nor does anything turn on the defendant's naive
belief that proof of his liability would be effectively forestalled by his
tearing off and swallowing the portions of the document bearing his signature
and that of the subscribing witness."

‏

In a land of fairy tales and make believe

*DISCLAIMER: This post is not suitable for young children.

International law is like Santa Clause.

Everyone knows that it's not real, yet as a society we pretend it exists.

Treaties, conventions, and additional protocols are paraded around like a jolly red-suited bearded man on a Christmas float; their presence on every street corner compelling idealists to believe. People tell their children about the International Court of Justice, run by armies of elves, that can differentiate between those that have been bad or good and award lumps of coal or gifts, accordingly. A system of justice that can transcend national boundaries like reindeer can defy gravity, ensuring that every state can be held accountable. The prosecution of Charles Taylor by the Special Court for Sierra Leone and the International Criminal Tribunals for Rwanda and the former Yugoslavia are like an unexplained present under a tree.

But it is hard to believe that anyone (myself excepted) would work for cookies and the occasional glass of milk. And at some point every child starts to ask questions.

Why are people being held and prosecuted in Guantanamo? Why does China get to host the Olympics while oppressing people in Tibet and Taiwan and everywhere else? Why aren't the Chechens people too? Is a genocide in the Sudan too far from the North Pole? How can one man visit all those households in one night?

And in an instant, utopia is transformed into dystopia.

Yet some children continue wanting to believe in a better place. A couple extra lessons about Descartes could lead them to the conclusion that thinking about something can make it so. Or perhaps an over-zealous interpretation of The Little Engine that Could will lead them into transforming the world. However, I'll stick with Chanukah.

Partially polarized bipeds

It has come to my attention that duck-footed is the antonym of pigeon-toed.

Simple things amuse my simple mind

The best thing I heard today: "Some people are like a Slinky: not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs."

Just because

THE PIGEON HAS FEELINGS, TOO!

complete credit to Mo Willems

The End

Eating the Profit

So apparently there is a coin shortage in India caused by the razor-blade companies buying coins to make razor blades, which is having a sweet side-effect: the provision of a chocolate bar as change in lieu of a half rupee coin.

Yay barter.

Coo coo for cocoa stuffs

In Cornwall, police are searching for two men who attempted to rob a gas station, but got away with only chocolate bars.

I for one am glad to see that the police in Cornwall have their priorities straight: chocolate above all else. Clearly the aim here is either to recover the missing chocolate or to secure restitution for its loss and has nothing to do with attempted robbery. (I mean really, what's with attempted crimes? No one gets a gold at the Olympics for attempted bobsledding.)

What I want to know is what sort of chocolate bars were stolen. After all, perhaps the chocolate bars were the real target of the hold-up.

I think that the sentences given to these chocoholic shoplifters should be proportional to the type of chocolate with which they absconded. The better the chocolate bar, the lesser the sentence; I reckon that there is nothing unjust about punishing people for bad taste (clearly I'm going to do well in sentencing).

For example, if they went for the UK equivalent of Oh Henry bars, they deserve life imprisonment with a 5-7 year parole ineligibility. Anyone that really likes peanuts perverting their chocolate needs to be removed from the public because they pose a danger to society. If, on the other hand, these five-finger discount fiends were targeting toblerone bars, that should be a mitigating factor, resulting in a slap on the wrist.

Regardless, let's just hope that any judgment rendered in this case does not suggest that the lack of bonnets and crinoline at this petrol station meant that the chocolate was asking for it. After all, there were no wooden carvings.

Cyberslacking, Cyberloafing, or Cyberbludging

Today, I was introduced to the word 'Goldbricking', which refers to the practice of using one's internet access for personal use, while maintaining the appearance of working.

In tribute to my newly enriched vocabulary, I thought I'd share a means of internet procrastinating that I came across somewhere.

Step 1: Go to google,
Step 2: put your name followed by the words 'likes to' in quotation marks (for example "Bismarck likes to"),
Step 3: share the first ten results.

Here are mine (spot the references to Ariel Sharon, Sharon Osborne, and elementary material):

1. "An award winning speaker, Sharon likes to combine reading excerpts from her book with a dynamic presentation comparing the traditional "war model" for communicating with the new, Powerful Non-Defensive Communication model she has created."
2. "Sharon likes to read, listen to music, and run."
3. "Sharon likes to pose as a caring, maternal mentor."
4. "Sharon likes to say that he stands up to terrorists to show he is not afraid. In fact, his policies are driven by fear."
5. "Sharon likes to say she's “lived 50 lives in 50 years” and it sounds a fairly conservative estimate."
6. "Sharon likes to play with her blocks and her drum but she doesn't like to share."
7. "Sharon likes to draw. Hector is good at spelling. They like different things. They are both special."
8. "Sharon likes to talk.. .so I let her do all the talking."
9. "Sharon likes to cook, can’t you tell!"
10. "Sharon likes to sew or iron while Stan does the budget on the computer."

My favourites are numbers 6, 8, 9, and 3.

The site from which number 6 is from gave me this comic:

Debra, did you make this comic?

Cannibals are the only people that use 100% of the brain

It's that time of year again when squirrels are collecting acorns and nuts.

"Well of course, Sharon," one might say, "that's how nature works."

Throw in a head shake or an eye-roll and that's how one might respond to my statement. But there's more. On campus, this fairly regular - and some might even say mundane process - is far more compelling. See when the squirrels collect their acorns, they often chew them off and let them fall from the tree to the ground, from where they will collected at a later time.

"Yes Sharon," one might add, "that's how squirrels collect acorns. Squirrels are all efficient like that."

But wait, there's still more. As the squirrels do this on campus, the meandering students become walking bulls-eyes. I saw two different students nearly get hit. It was awesome.

I wonder if the squirrels get 10 points for students and 15 for faculty. Bonus points for anyone on skateboards.

Wasted Manhours

There is a dearth of trash receptacles in the arrivals lounge in terminal three of the London Heathrow Airport. In fact, I saw more people engaging in bicycling (you know, where two people lay on their backs, put their feet in the air, and pedal against each other - as opposed to the type pictured to the left) than garbage cans.

I do understand the reasons for the lack of litter bins, but I have no idea about the bicycling.

Oh and the whole arrivals sequence in the movie Love Actually is only part rubbish.

Living by Analogy

As I sat there shaking my fist and yelling consensus ad idem out my car window, I knew I was going into the correct profession. It was a timely confirmation, having just endured articling week, secured future employment, and realized that I’ll be married to my profession.

Articling week is an interesting experience. It’s like the biological clocks of most second year law students begin ticking and they are all start dating with the intent to wed, with the added reality TV show feel of contrived junior high-like rules that everyone has to follow. If it were a Discovery Channel special it would be called “Legal Mating Rituals.”

First, firms post openings much like personal ads in the classified section. Some firms prefer long walks on the beach, others prefer a good intimate conversation, and yet others prefer to make you slave away for them while they crush your soul and dampen your spirits. Next, upon seeing the postings, law students send in their application packages to the firms they like (or all of them, for those using the shotgun approach) in hopes of getting asked on a first date. First dates are awkward. Both the firms and the students are trying to figure out if they like the other party and if the other party likes them (a “good fit” if you will), all while operating under strict timelines and with numerous third parties. Some students play hard to get, others are quite forward about their feelings, while others embody desperation.

In the end, the firms ask a subset of the students it dated on second dates. These second dates vary from an interview over a classy dinner, to an interview over coffee, to an interview over dinner with several of the other potential students being pitted against each other.
Then comes the suspense. Students wonder if their favourite firm will propose to them and firms wonder if their choice students will say yes.

Now enter the contrived rules. No firm can propose before a set date and time. Firms can express interest in students, but they cannot pressure students to divulge what they will say to a proposal. There can even be a blackout time during which the firms cannot contact the students.

Finally it’s 8am. Phone calls go out and firms propose to students. Students that accept a proposal are engaged. Their marriage will take place just over a year later, barring any unforeseen circumstances (of course, they all stay motivated during the next year). As of 8:04, the grapevine gets going; who’s engaged? To whom? And who received numerous proposals?

The dating analogy continues; some marriages are happy and long-lasting, while others end divorce – an associate may be courted and wooed by another firm, or choose to go in-house, or because the associate no longer wants to practice law. I wonder how a firm feels if it thinks that it was the reason that a student was turned off of the legal profession.

Now in lieu of an actual wrap-up of my post: in London, I heard a TV announcer refer to toilet paper as loo-roll.

Your face better taste like candy

If giants existed, I wonder if they would play dominoes with flat screen TVs.

It is interesting to discover what one ponders whilst chasing a distant red dot along miles of Alberta highway on the return from an adventure.

Some realizations I have reached during long stretches of highway driving:

• Veal is cute
• Alberta is a beautiful province, big, but beautiful
• There are lots of trees and cows and sheep
• Some trucks do not like being passed
• Nicole has interesting ways of trying to invoke jealousy
• It is not good to drive whilst feeling stuffed like a gopher in Torrington
• Em can climb up the side of mountains
• Candy Mountain is not a funny allusion to someone that has not seen it
• Erin makes funny noises when poked
• Cotton Candy can melt
• Nick Tam remembers the giant dinosaur
• Bugs like windshields
• Lightning is pretty

I'm Suddenly Malignant

The number of Mute Swans in the Thames is declining, and a few years ago, a British Tabloid accused asylum-seekers of trapping and barbecuing the Queen's swans. While the accusations turned out to be baseless, the Queen's ownership over the swans is a true, albeit curious, anachronism.

Based on a statute from 1324, The Queen technically still owns all the sturgeons, whales, porpoises, and dolphins within three miles of UK shores. In the 12th century, the English monarch was also granted ownership over all the mute swans in England (swans were a good source of food, and common people had to turn to Turkeys for their dinners instead).

In the 15th century, the crown gave ownership rights in the swans to others, including the Vintners' and Dyers' Companies, both of whom still share ownership of the swans in the Thames with the Seigneur of the Swans - the Queen herself. There is still an annual practice of Swan Upping, where mute swans on the River Thames are rounded up, caught, marked, and then released to keep a census of the swan population and to establish ownership rights over the cygnets.

The morals of the story are three-fold:

• Being the Queen of England carries with it a lot of added duties;
• the British are very traditional; and
• the Queen can have all the sturgeons, dolphins, porpoises, whales, and swans she wants, I just want a pet duck.

Don't panic, I'm mostly harmless

My goals for this post:
1) Use my favourite Daily Show quote for the week
2) Divulge a highly entertaining story without breaking any promises or betraying any confidences
3) Make an allusion to Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy

I used to respect a certain individual, until last week he cut a cheque and accidently made it out to himself instead of the intended recipient and all the [respect] I had disappeared like a horse in a jello factory.

Yay. Three for three.

Duck Duck Goose Cookie Crane

I think that this Cigarro & Cerveja comic sums up my outlook on life perfectly:
This particular comic was even entitled quack.

Speaking of which, I was given the most amazing Chanukah gift (yes I know it was over two months ago): I received a set of rubber duckies that glow or light up when they are placed in water. I now want to have a dinner party so that I can use them in a centre piece. I cannot wait until the ducks fly north for the summer.

On a related note, today I was told that over 20% of the world's cranes are in Dubai. I thought that the statistic was referring to the bird variety of cranes, but it turns out that the statistic refers to the fact that about a quarter of the world's construction cranes (~30,000 of ~125,000) are opperating in Dubai. That's somewhat disturbing.

Right now they're building a coffin your size

I desperately want to feed bread to a duck

Being irreplaceable means you can't get promoted

Girl 1: Boys are good for carrying heavy things, reaching high shelves, and opening jars.

Girl 2: Actually I have this metal device that you can use to loosen the pressure on jars to make them easier to open.

Girl 1: Yet another handheld device that can be used to replace men.

Running for home

1 more final left.
There is something fundamentally unsatisfying about having 100% of one's grade determined by a three hour exam.
On my employment exam, I wrote a limerick. That was satisfying.

It occurs to me that if global warming pans out, it could fix the problems in the middle east. How can you fight over Israel if it's 70 degrees or filled with water?

Now back to my study cave.
They can be purchased at Wal-mart for an everyday low price. They're in aisle 5 next to tanks.
Some assembly required.

Saving a monarch is dirty work

A friend of mine just directed me to look at all the lyrics to the British National Anthem.
It seems that they cut some of the versus in polite company.

God save our gracious Queen
Long live our noble Queen,
God save the Queen:
Send her victorious,
Happy and glorious,
Long to reign over us:
God save the Queen.

O Lord, our God, arise,
Scatter thine enemies,
And make them fall:
Confound their politics,
Frustrate their knavish tricks,
On thee our hopes we fix:
God save us all.

Thy choicest gifts in store,
On her be pleased to pour;
Long may she reign:
May she defend our laws,
And ever give us cause
To sing with heart and voice
God save the Queen.

The part that is often omitted:

Not in this land alone,
But be God's mercies known,
From shore to shore!
Lord make the nations see,
That men should brothers be,
And form one family,
The wide world o'er.

From every latent foe,
From the assassins blow,
God save the Queen!
O'er her thine arm extend,
For Britain's sake defend,
Our mother, prince, and friend,
God save the Queen!

Lord grant that Marshal Wade
May by thy mighty aid
Victory bring.
May he sedition hush,
And like a torrent rush,
Rebellious Scots to crush.
God save the Queen!

God sure has to do a lot to keep those Brits happy.

"If you need to study for the LSAT, choose a different profession"

There once was a young man named Rex
With minuscule organs of sex
When charged with exposure
He said, with composure,
"de minimis non curat lex"

Syllable Spammage

It has come to my attention that girls don't always make sense. My favourite quote today depicting said lack of sense:

Apes invented words so they could communicate with each other, not spam each other with syllables.*

Apparently words have prescribed meanings that ought to be followed.
___________
*I suppose one could say apes fling syllables, let us not be apes.

Edited to add:
The second best quote of the day (although I guess it's technically a different day) goes to Jon Stewart, remarking about a CNN newsman that, while interviewing the first Muslim elected to the US congress, basically asked the congressman to prove he wasn't planning on destroying the country:

"Finally, someone that says the things that everyone that isn't thinking is thinking."

At least I know what Tetris is

1) I want to swim across the English Channel. How awesome would that be? Apparently the fastest swims are just over 7 hours. It's quicker to swim from Britain to France by at least an hour. It's like the Mount Everest of swimming. And if one is successful, one's name and time are recorded here.

2) I want to be see a case that deals with s. 7(2.3) of the criminal code:

Despite anything in this Act or any other Act, a Canadian crew member who, during a space flight, commits an act or omission outside Canada that if committed in Canada would constitute an indictable offence is deemed to have committed that act or omission in Canada, if that act or omission is committed
(a) on, or in relation to, a flight element of the Space Station;
or
(b) on any means of transportation to or from the Space Station

3) I want to meet Jon Stewart or be mentioned on the Daily Show.

An employment law haiku dilemma

fortune cookie said
"gift horses have cavities"
what should dentist do?

It's better than what I do in my International Human Rights class.

Today in History/Why Torture Doesn't Work

Remember, remember the fifth of November
The gunpowder treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.

Guy Fawkes, twas his intent
To blow up king and parliament.
Three score barrels were laid below
To prove old England's overthrow.

By God's mercy he was catched
With a dark lantern and lighted match.
Holler boys, holler boys, let the bells ring
Holler boys, holler boys, God save the King.

There were fire works near Whyte Ave most of the evening last night.

Hi you have reached... AHHHHHHHHHH

I don't trust answering machines.
They seem sinister.
And not just like last Friday.

Speaking about things that are left-handed, wouldn't it be awesome if Jon Stewart were running for President of the USA?
He just seems to care about things. To quote Jon Stewart regarding the riots in Hungary over the apparent lies told by their PM about the economy:

"It must be nice to have a democracy that's so young you can still be disappointed in it."

And this picture suggests that he would fight for the US. (At the very least, it is more convincing than his baseball pitch.) Maybe he could make America care again.

The good ol' hockey game

Ever wonder if a certain NHL referee bets against the Oilers and then tries to call the game to ensure he wins his bets (perhaps the bets are with Janet Jones)? Ever hypothesize that said referee just hates the Oilers with a blind rage that most people might only reserve for Chelios? Did he lose the affection of a woman to Chris Pronger?

Or are you of the opinion that he is just blind, like his UPA cartoon namesake?

Thank goodness for Hockey Karma.

And Ryan Smyth. 3 goals in 2 minutes and 1 second.

That'll teach the aforementioned referee a lesson.

Coward or Separatist

The full title of this posts was meant to be:
"Coward or Separatist" or How I spent my morning on the phone with the province of Quebec

Earlier this week, I was sent on a mission: I needed to contact counsel for the respondent in a SCC case. Easy enough, I thought. Apparently I was wrong.

• First I needed to determine who the counsel was. The case just said "Counsel for the Respondent: City of Montreal", which was hardly sufficient.)
• Next stop google. No such luck.
• I searched through several Government of Quebec sites (the translate to English button is always in the top right hand corner), but they were as useless as a sixth toe.
• I then went searching through the SCC bulletins, finally finding the one listing the individuals responsible for the submissions. 'Eureka!' I thought, 'I know the name of the counsel.' Or not.
• I googled the guys name. Nothing.
• I searched through the same Quebec Government sites to no avail.
• I called the Ministre de la Justice's office. They directed me to the Attorney General's number. The Attorney General's number was a general recording directing me to enter an extension or type in an individuals name. His name could not be found.
• I called the "numeros frequemment appeles." They directed me to municipal courts. The municipal courts phone operator did not like English (or me) and gave me a random number to dial. The guy at that number spoke English and transferred me to another number. The recording on that number sounded a lot like the Attorney General recording. This time I pressed 0 right away. I got a secretary. She tried to find contact info for this City of Montreal lawyer. She assured me he didn't exist. She kept looking anyway. She had a conversation in French with someone else. The pages kept being flipped. And then finally: "Do you want his phone number or fax number."
• Success. I had a phone number! So I dialed it... and got voice mail.

The moral of the story: I have a new appreciation for the 9 key (which is what one pushes to get English -- that's right, we're relegated to the bottom corner of the key pad), and continuously saying good morning and knowing that each person with whom I spoke was unhappy to have to deal with me in English (except that one guy).

Thursday night is Hockey Night

Some observations from Rexall:

1) There's something reassuring about Petr Sykora.
2) Apparently Darren McCarty finds Sykora much more compelling, to the point where he went weak in the knees and fell down.
3) Apparently McCarty falling down is a reason to call a tripping penalty against Sykora.

I love hockey karma. When the refs called a silly penalty shot, Roli blocked Iginla; when the refs were only calling penalties against the Oilers, the Flames didn't score; and when McCarty fell down, the Oilers won.

Edited to add: Also, we've discovered the reason that beer is now $7.50: $5.50 for the beer, and $2 for the straw (even if you don't want the straw).

I Liked the Thimble

I have hockey tickets to see the Oilers season opener.

Unfortunately that joy has been tainted thanks to Ticketmaster.

It bothers me that Ticketmaster has a monopoly over vending tickets to all events, all of them. Because they have this monopoly, the company has made an executive decision that reasonable customer service is not a sufficiently compelling proposition to be implemented.

It bothers me even more that because of the lack of competition, Ticketmaster has decided that it is reasonable - nay, incumbent upon them - to levy both a service charge (and sometimes a convenience fee) on each and every ticket sold; they are not just charging per transaction and it sure isn't convenient.

I am even further irked by the fact that despite having purchased tickets nearly two weeks ago, I still have not received my tickets in the mail because Ticketmaster has reserved the right to wait.

Now usually my posts come in threes, but Ticketmaster has managed to outdo themselves. Despite the fact that I have not yet received my tickets, and despite the fact that Ticketmaster assessed exorbitant surcharges upon my original ticket price, and despite the inherent lack of helpfulness provided, Ticketmaster had the impudence and audacity to send me a customer satisfaction survey inquiring about my level of satisfaction with their delivery service.

In completely other news, apparently I have a vise, the actual details of its acquisition are still unclear . Sadly, it has apparently been tied up over the last year.

Chutzpah = Audacity + Panache

I was once told that chutzpah was like reading and enjoying a book in a book store and then not buying a book. This may or may not have been the last page of a book I was reading in a bookstore. The book may or may not have been called "The Optimist sees the Bagel, The Pessimist sees the Hole".

I had an epiphany today.

If audacity is talking back to the Queen of England and panache is epitomized by the scene from Cyrano de Bergerac about how to make fun of a prominent nose, then chutzpah ought to be a combination thereof.

I never said it was a good epiphany.

Spontaneously Combusting Road-Tripping

At the beginning of September, Erin, Sean, and I went on a 36-hour road-trip through Rocky Mountain House, the Columbia Icefields, and Jasper National Park. I have apparently spent the last 17 days recuperating. That said, the trip was gorgeous, it was random, and it was very informative:

• Curious George is a great traveling companion (even as a substitute for some).
• The Holiday Inn Express in Rocky Mount House has the world's greatest view.
• The hotel had pillows labeled soft and firm, two of each per bed. (Georgie got one of each.)
• Eating at local establishments is a questionable practice - especially if the place is called "The Black Stub".
• Having personal problems is apparently a legitimate excuse for a waitress to provide bad service.
• Best of luck to Jason and Jessica.
• There are 14 churches in Rocky Mountain House. There are less than 6000 people living there.
• The one theatre in Rocky Mountain House has signs at the box office that says no alcohol is allowed in the theatre. Before entering the theatre there is a sign indicating that it is last point to dispose of alcohol before entering the theatre. Erin was sad.
• Democracy has a different meaning in rural northern BC.
• Snakes on a Plane is an awesome movie.
• Eating gummy snakes while watching Snakes on a Plane makes it even better.
• It is less than an hour from Rocky Mountain House to Nordegg. Honest.
• Nordegg is a hole that claims to be a town. They don't allow hunting within town limits, they don't serve alcohol at 9am, and nothing opens before 9:30. That said, next to Edson, Nordegg looks cool.
• The David Thompson Adventure Highway is a lot better than anticipated, both in terms of driveability and in terms of fun.
• I love my car.
• Apparently, waking up at 7am is a valid reason to be drinking at 9am.
• There is a bubblegum bug out there somewhere. Alternately, it recently became extinct and I have the remains of the last one on my grill.
• Waterfalls are awesome. And ubiquitous. And awesome.
• Glaciers are fun. And cold.
• Glacier mobiles have tires that are larger than most people.
• It's easy to set bad examples for kids. It may also be socially beneficial to do so, survival of the fittest and all that jazz.
• Sean can run up the face of mountains.
• Parallel parking is fun.
• Jasper steal the souls of tourists. And then gives them ice cream.
• In a fight between the Crazy Killer Crow and a small child, my money is on the former.
• Sean sleeps in car rides.
• Even if one has no expectations for Edson, one can be disappointed.
• Hostesses for restaurants in Edson do not need to have any concept of time. The best thing about Edson is the fact that they have one semi-competent waitress.

Pictures can be found here, here, and here.

On coveting the Governor's Daughter:

He wanted to bang her like pots and pans.

EDIT to add: Apparently bonnets and crenaline are no defence.

What's the difference between a pirate and a buccaneer?

My pirate name is:

Captain Mary Flint

Even though there's no legal rank on a pirate ship, everyone recognizes you're the one in charge. Like the rock flint, you're hard and sharp. But, also like flint, you're easily chipped, and sparky. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.

Now to figure out how to dress like a pirate...

On being deplanetized

Poor Pluto. 76 years in the regular solar system planet line-up only to be demoted and renamed Asteroid 134340. All it took was the discovery of a dwarf planet that has now been named Eris.

Who ever said that size doesn't matter?

Smoke and Mirrors

As a kid, whenever anyone smoked near me, I would cover my nose and mouth with my hands; my parents would be appalled at my rudeness, but the smoker would often butt out. I've never seen any appeal in cigarettes. To be frank, I find them terribly disgusting and repulsive.

That said, I have no problem with people choosing to smoke. If people are allowed to drink beer, eat fois gras, and live in Sherwood Park (yay asthma!), then people should be equally entitled to smoke, if they so choose.

Besides, letting people choose to smoke (provided that they aren't smoking near anyone that does not choose to inhale second hand smoke) can be socially beneficial; smokers pay into pension plans and then die too young to get paid out.

Now to the point of my post. If someone chooses to smoke, that's fine (provided that their doing so does not infringe on someone else's choice to not smoke). If an individual that opts to light up chooses to do so while driving, that is also fine (providing that it does not impair their ability to operate their motor vehicle). If said individual further decides to use the window in lieu of an ashtray, I am not completely opposed (provided that there is no increased danger posed to anyone else). However -and this is the whole thing that irked me enough to make this post- if you are going to smoke, in your car, while driving on the right hand side of the road, and using the window as your ashtray, learn to smoke with your left hand; reaching across your body and the steering wheel with your right arm is stupid, dangerous, and inefficient. In conclusion, smokers should be left-handed or ambidextrous.

Back to learning

I was discussing my law classes for this semester with my mom. I mentioned that I was taking International Human Rights, to which she responded: "Isn't that a waste of time."

Peanut Butter Chicken Jello Blobs and Duct tape

1) My trip to Israel got bombed out, so I'm going to Alaska.

2) Another reason I should not be allowed to have kids: I would name one Dragon.

3) While most people tend to keep pictures of their significant other/kids/pets/friends in their wallets, the only picture allowed in mine is of my car.

The war might ruin my vacation

Stephen Colbert on how to stop the fighting in the Middle East:

There's only one thing that truly unites all of man kind -- the
objectification of women kind.

It's been a while (what a perfect excuse for a stream of consciousness)

The last month has been interesting. Amidst the sports highlights, the long work hours, and the crazy whether patterns, I've managed to have a delightful (albeit disconnected) time. This last weekend, I went to the Calgary Stampede. In summary:

• I saw my first rodeo and chuckwagon races,
• bet on the chuckwagon races using BP scoring (I broke on high speaks),
• turned into a lobster,
• drove through Calgary with an Oilers logo on my window,
• watched people go icing,
• turned into a lobster,
• rode a train,
• drank coolers on a balcony with a couple engineers, Erin, and super-awesome-cool-amazing Lexy,
• made plans for money we didn't win,
• saw OLP live,
• saw the British flag flying high,
• actually enjoyed sitting on a basement floor for a few hours,
• fed cows,
• laughed at Erin feeding cows,
• drank beer in a park in the dark with only tiki torches for light,
• went on a boat ride,
• laughed at the engineers that were trying to heat a portable hot tub that was filled with cold water by using a pump to run water through a tube through a fire and back in (with a minimal of tubing through the fire - what happened to maximizing surface area),
• caught up with old friends,
• discussed the differences between a stroller, pram, and carriage,
• saw a windmill,
• didn't take the salamander,
• laughed at the talking tree (which may or may not have been a passed out drunk guy speaking from under the tree),
• twizzlers,
• laughed at Erin for only burning her nose,
• condemned a man for having a weak handshake ("it's all about the web to web connection") [aside: if anyone knows the guy, could they please pass alongmy sincere apology],
• got a cowboy hat (although, unlike Erin's, it doesn't match my shoes),
• had good breakfasts,
• established several driving relationships (it's ok for cars to flirt),
• and attained blackmail photos.

All in all it was pretty awesome.

However, after such a relaxing trip, my next trip to the world's oldest newest war zone might not be so fun. It's a good thing I have a nice bomb shelter waiting.

Speaking of current events, I was watching the news coverage of Bush and Blair speaking candidly while the microphone was still on. I learned that in the US the TV stations are required to bleep out the part where Bush told Blair that Syria just needs to "get Hezbollah to stop doing this shit." Oddly enough, the CTV online article does bleep it out.

Worst line of commentary ever

"Even though the Prime Minister of Canada was in the audience, the Oilers playing was anything but Conservative."

The stars were bright, Fernando

GO OILERS!

YAY!!!!!!

There is something magical about overtime in playoff hockey, especially in the Stanley Cup final. Overtime, especially a short-handed deciding goal in overtime, has an ability to shift momentum in a way that an ordinary win or loss would not; it has the ability to inspire hope that has been written off more times than the Mexican national debt (sorry, but a brilliant line of sports commentary deserves to be repeated).

I felt so bad for Matt Green when he went back to the bench after Carolina scored on a power play opportunity created by the hooking penalty he took. The poor guy looked devastated. You could see him being consoled at the bench, but he barely saw anymore ice time (and not just because Pronger was on for 33 minutes). But things worked out in the end.

There is also something to be said about hockey karma. In game 3, a gorgeous goal by Moreau was not allowed (for legitimate but heart-breaking reasons). When Brind'amour scored a goal to tie the game, it felt wrong, but in the end, the Oilers ended up winning on a controversial (but legitimate) goal. Karma.

Likewise, the 3rd goal that Carolina scored in today's game 5 reminded me of the disallowed Moreau goal. There were a few long seconds when there was no way that the ref could have seen the puck (unless Mr. McGeough purchased x-ray glasses to avoid further comparisons with an animated character with a similar name); however, unlike in game 3, the goal was allowed. However in the end, the Oilers got a break and got a gorgeous goal. Once again, karma.

The fact that Pisani's short-handed overtime goal made history (first short-handed goal in overtime of the Stanley Cup finals), is just extra karma to compensate for the thuggish nature of certain Carolina players, the terrible penalty call against Staios, and the lucky coin that Carolina had placed under centre ice.

There is something very satisfying to see a crop of cane-iacs being silenced and Stanley being returned to his box. [In general, I have mixed feelings about Stanley Cup contenders coming from cities that do not know ice. However, it seems absolutely absurd to have NHL hockey still being played in a city that is experiencing a real hurricane during hurricane season.]

Finally, since I recognize that as of late this blog has become a collection of random thoughts about recent sport matches. As such, on a completely unrelated note, here's the best line of television I heard today: "They should call you Chad, because you're leaving me hanging."

OILERS They're DYNAMITE!