Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Disclaimer: if you work on a psychiatric review board, I am perfectly normal.

It's the official sound of tobogganing:

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I currently have more tobogganing noises stored up than I have opportunities to use them. As such, I need to find situations in which to expend the surplus.

Driving to the airport?
wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
(clearly an adrenaline charging opportunity)

Going shopping?
wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
(clearly an opportunity to try and "miss" small children that are in the way)

Constructive trusts?
wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
(Clearly a downhill endeavour)

Only one more exam

Running for home

1 more final left.
There is something fundamentally unsatisfying about having 100% of one's grade determined by a three hour exam.
On my employment exam, I wrote a limerick. That was satisfying.

It occurs to me that if global warming pans out, it could fix the problems in the middle east. How can you fight over Israel if it's 70 degrees or filled with water?

Now back to my study cave.
They can be purchased at Wal-mart for an everyday low price. They're in aisle 5 next to tanks.
Some assembly required.

Saving a monarch is dirty work

A friend of mine just directed me to look at all the lyrics to the British National Anthem.
It seems that they cut some of the versus in polite company.

God save our gracious Queen
Long live our noble Queen,
God save the Queen:
Send her victorious,
Happy and glorious,
Long to reign over us:
God save the Queen.

O Lord, our God, arise,
Scatter thine enemies,
And make them fall:
Confound their politics,
Frustrate their knavish tricks,
On thee our hopes we fix:
God save us all.

Thy choicest gifts in store,
On her be pleased to pour;
Long may she reign:
May she defend our laws,
And ever give us cause
To sing with heart and voice
God save the Queen.

The part that is often omitted:

Not in this land alone,
But be God's mercies known,
From shore to shore!
Lord make the nations see,
That men should brothers be,
And form one family,
The wide world o'er.

From every latent foe,
From the assassins blow,
God save the Queen!
O'er her thine arm extend,
For Britain's sake defend,
Our mother, prince, and friend,
God save the Queen!

Lord grant that Marshal Wade
May by thy mighty aid
Victory bring.
May he sedition hush,
And like a torrent rush,
Rebellious Scots to crush.
God save the Queen!

God sure has to do a lot to keep those Brits happy.

"If you need to study for the LSAT, choose a different profession"

There once was a young man named Rex
With minuscule organs of sex
When charged with exposure
He said, with composure,
"de minimis non curat lex"

On a scale of Learning to Pomegranate

I doubt that people are inherently good, and it is questionable to say that people are inherently smart, but it is most definitely true to say that people are inherently entertaining.

She said:

I hate guys even more than I used to, they leave a bad taste in my mouth.

Syllable Spammage

It has come to my attention that girls don't always make sense. My favourite quote today depicting said lack of sense:

Apes invented words so they could communicate with each other, not spam each other with syllables.*

Apparently words have prescribed meanings that ought to be followed.
___________
*I suppose one could say apes fling syllables, let us not be apes.

Edited to add:
The second best quote of the day (although I guess it's technically a different day) goes to Jon Stewart, remarking about a CNN newsman that, while interviewing the first Muslim elected to the US congress, basically asked the congressman to prove he wasn't planning on destroying the country:

"Finally, someone that says the things that everyone that isn't thinking is thinking."

At least I know what Tetris is

1) I want to swim across the English Channel. How awesome would that be? Apparently the fastest swims are just over 7 hours. It's quicker to swim from Britain to France by at least an hour. It's like the Mount Everest of swimming. And if one is successful, one's name and time are recorded here.

2) I want to be see a case that deals with s. 7(2.3) of the criminal code:

Despite anything in this Act or any other Act, a Canadian crew member who, during a space flight, commits an act or omission outside Canada that if committed in Canada would constitute an indictable offence is deemed to have committed that act or omission in Canada, if that act or omission is committed
(a) on, or in relation to, a flight element of the Space Station;
or
(b) on any means of transportation to or from the Space Station

3) I want to meet Jon Stewart or be mentioned on the Daily Show.

An employment law haiku dilemma

fortune cookie said
"gift horses have cavities"
what should dentist do?

It's better than what I do in my International Human Rights class.

Today in History/Why Torture Doesn't Work

Remember, remember the fifth of November
The gunpowder treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.

Guy Fawkes, twas his intent
To blow up king and parliament.
Three score barrels were laid below
To prove old England's overthrow.

By God's mercy he was catched
With a dark lantern and lighted match.
Holler boys, holler boys, let the bells ring
Holler boys, holler boys, God save the King.

There were fire works near Whyte Ave most of the evening last night.

'Do not enter' sign enforcement

I like putting random pictures together.

I'm confused, why is it that people put eggs in baskets?

That only targeted and enraged a small audience. Time for something inflammatory:

Pregnancy is the worst type of STD.

Throwing out the baby with the bath water

My word of the day:
Decollated.
Meaning beheaded.

Replacement punishment for being drawed and quartered:
Being defenestrated and decollated.
Not just available in Prague.

And according to the picture, being run down by a car may be substituted in for the defenestration part.

And then I wonder why I have nightmares.

Hi you have reached... AHHHHHHHHHH

I don't trust answering machines.
They seem sinister.
And not just like last Friday.

Speaking about things that are left-handed, wouldn't it be awesome if Jon Stewart were running for President of the USA?
He just seems to care about things. To quote Jon Stewart regarding the riots in Hungary over the apparent lies told by their PM about the economy:

"It must be nice to have a democracy that's so young you can still be disappointed in it."

And this picture suggests that he would fight for the US. (At the very least, it is more convincing than his baseball pitch.) Maybe he could make America care again.

The good ol' hockey game

Ever wonder if a certain NHL referee bets against the Oilers and then tries to call the game to ensure he wins his bets (perhaps the bets are with Janet Jones)? Ever hypothesize that said referee just hates the Oilers with a blind rage that most people might only reserve for Chelios? Did he lose the affection of a woman to Chris Pronger?

Or are you of the opinion that he is just blind, like his UPA cartoon namesake?

Thank goodness for Hockey Karma.

And Ryan Smyth. 3 goals in 2 minutes and 1 second.

That'll teach the aforementioned referee a lesson.

"The Nuke Kid on the Block"*

I think it could be fun to write for the Weekly World News, The National Enquirer or some other weekly tabloid publication. The complex formula for determining the front page story (involving the craziness of the conspiracy theory, sex appeal, and celebrities involved being proportional to the chance of being on the front page) seems stimulating and challenging.

For example, some "interesting" stories currently running:

• French Diet Secrets Revealed: Swallow Consonants, Feel Full All Day
• Anna Nicole And Lawyer Not Married
• Untimely Stigmata Injures Gymnast
• Natzy: Sick Croatian fans form a human Swastika
• India's latest move to stop child labor**

Of course next week, there will have to be a story about North Korea. The most notable thing about North Korea is that there leader is "ape-shit insane,"*** (well that and the whole nuclear thing****). Now one of the notable things about Kim Jong Il (aside from his crazy hair, love of sunglasses, and cult of personality) is that when it comes to issues concerning foreign policy, he flip flops more than John F. Kerry (allegedly) did.

So the crazy cover story theory for next week could be:

"North Korea is led by Identical Twins"

Identical twins Kim Jong I and Kim Jong II collectively known as Kim Jong Il share the dubious spot light focused on North Korea. Although they look the same, each has their own personality, hobbies, and views about North Korea's Foreign Policy; while Kim Jong I likes golf, wants to be a film director, and has always wanted to go to the UN, Kim Jong II wants to nuke everyone. The latter is also the stronger more bully-like one.

Or maybe he's a woman or something like that.
___________
*Title of this post completely and entirely taken from The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.
**This may or may not be a publication that intends to be considered a tabloid, per se.
***Cliff, Alan. Talking about Kim Jong Il. October 9, 2006.
****I'm so upset I used all those awesome graphics in my last post.

Coward or Separatist

The full title of this posts was meant to be:
"Coward or Separatist" or How I spent my morning on the phone with the province of Quebec

Earlier this week, I was sent on a mission: I needed to contact counsel for the respondent in a SCC case. Easy enough, I thought. Apparently I was wrong.

• First I needed to determine who the counsel was. The case just said "Counsel for the Respondent: City of Montreal", which was hardly sufficient.)
• Next stop google. No such luck.
• I searched through several Government of Quebec sites (the translate to English button is always in the top right hand corner), but they were as useless as a sixth toe.
• I then went searching through the SCC bulletins, finally finding the one listing the individuals responsible for the submissions. 'Eureka!' I thought, 'I know the name of the counsel.' Or not.
• I googled the guys name. Nothing.
• I searched through the same Quebec Government sites to no avail.
• I called the Ministre de la Justice's office. They directed me to the Attorney General's number. The Attorney General's number was a general recording directing me to enter an extension or type in an individuals name. His name could not be found.
• I called the "numeros frequemment appeles." They directed me to municipal courts. The municipal courts phone operator did not like English (or me) and gave me a random number to dial. The guy at that number spoke English and transferred me to another number. The recording on that number sounded a lot like the Attorney General recording. This time I pressed 0 right away. I got a secretary. She tried to find contact info for this City of Montreal lawyer. She assured me he didn't exist. She kept looking anyway. She had a conversation in French with someone else. The pages kept being flipped. And then finally: "Do you want his phone number or fax number."
• Success. I had a phone number! So I dialed it... and got voice mail.

The moral of the story: I have a new appreciation for the 9 key (which is what one pushes to get English -- that's right, we're relegated to the bottom corner of the key pad), and continuously saying good morning and knowing that each person with whom I spoke was unhappy to have to deal with me in English (except that one guy).

Thursday night is Hockey Night

Some observations from Rexall:

1) There's something reassuring about Petr Sykora.
2) Apparently Darren McCarty finds Sykora much more compelling, to the point where he went weak in the knees and fell down.
3) Apparently McCarty falling down is a reason to call a tripping penalty against Sykora.

I love hockey karma. When the refs called a silly penalty shot, Roli blocked Iginla; when the refs were only calling penalties against the Oilers, the Flames didn't score; and when McCarty fell down, the Oilers won.

Edited to add: Also, we've discovered the reason that beer is now $7.50: $5.50 for the beer, and $2 for the straw (even if you don't want the straw).

Putting Children in their Place

Several international protocols and conventions have either petition or complaints handling .*

The Convention on the Rights of the Child does not.**

So is the international world suggesting that a child is meant to be seen and not heard?***

_______________
* For example the Convention against torture, the Optional Protocol to the Convention on elimination of Discrimination Against Women, and the International Convention on the Elimination of all Forms of Racial Discrimination.
** I like footnotes.
*** I wonder if eBay-ing things counts as being seen or being heard.^
_______________
^Depending on which article one reads, the value of the car varies from $16,000 to $17,000 to $18,000.

I Liked the Thimble

I have hockey tickets to see the Oilers season opener.

Unfortunately that joy has been tainted thanks to Ticketmaster.

It bothers me that Ticketmaster has a monopoly over vending tickets to all events, all of them. Because they have this monopoly, the company has made an executive decision that reasonable customer service is not a sufficiently compelling proposition to be implemented.

It bothers me even more that because of the lack of competition, Ticketmaster has decided that it is reasonable - nay, incumbent upon them - to levy both a service charge (and sometimes a convenience fee) on each and every ticket sold; they are not just charging per transaction and it sure isn't convenient.

I am even further irked by the fact that despite having purchased tickets nearly two weeks ago, I still have not received my tickets in the mail because Ticketmaster has reserved the right to wait.

Now usually my posts come in threes, but Ticketmaster has managed to outdo themselves. Despite the fact that I have not yet received my tickets, and despite the fact that Ticketmaster assessed exorbitant surcharges upon my original ticket price, and despite the inherent lack of helpfulness provided, Ticketmaster had the impudence and audacity to send me a customer satisfaction survey inquiring about my level of satisfaction with their delivery service.

In completely other news, apparently I have a vise, the actual details of its acquisition are still unclear . Sadly, it has apparently been tied up over the last year.

Chutzpah = Audacity + Panache

I was once told that chutzpah was like reading and enjoying a book in a book store and then not buying a book. This may or may not have been the last page of a book I was reading in a bookstore. The book may or may not have been called "The Optimist sees the Bagel, The Pessimist sees the Hole".

I had an epiphany today.

If audacity is talking back to the Queen of England and panache is epitomized by the scene from Cyrano de Bergerac about how to make fun of a prominent nose, then chutzpah ought to be a combination thereof.

I never said it was a good epiphany.

Go West Young Man

This is a picture of an actual sign seen in Newfoundland (picture courtesy of Jen's friend).

I understand why a lot of individuals from Newfoundland make their way to Alberta - there is lots of work here, Air Canada now has direct flights to Fort McMurray, and they have a second home in case the Atlantic provinces are eaten by the sea because of global warming.

That said, I think that Alberta should buy Saskatchewan. Our oil is not going to last forever, and when it runs out, we can turn to one of the world's largest deposits of uranium and of potash. Alberta can continue it's resource-centred economy without diversifying. Also, then no one needs to rely solely on Air Canada for direct flights to get from home to work; one could just drive.

Spontaneously Combusting Road-Tripping

At the beginning of September, Erin, Sean, and I went on a 36-hour road-trip through Rocky Mountain House, the Columbia Icefields, and Jasper National Park. I have apparently spent the last 17 days recuperating. That said, the trip was gorgeous, it was random, and it was very informative:

• Curious George is a great traveling companion (even as a substitute for some).
• The Holiday Inn Express in Rocky Mount House has the world's greatest view.
• The hotel had pillows labeled soft and firm, two of each per bed. (Georgie got one of each.)
• Eating at local establishments is a questionable practice - especially if the place is called "The Black Stub".
• Having personal problems is apparently a legitimate excuse for a waitress to provide bad service.
• Best of luck to Jason and Jessica.
• There are 14 churches in Rocky Mountain House. There are less than 6000 people living there.
• The one theatre in Rocky Mountain House has signs at the box office that says no alcohol is allowed in the theatre. Before entering the theatre there is a sign indicating that it is last point to dispose of alcohol before entering the theatre. Erin was sad.
• Democracy has a different meaning in rural northern BC.
• Snakes on a Plane is an awesome movie.
• Eating gummy snakes while watching Snakes on a Plane makes it even better.
• It is less than an hour from Rocky Mountain House to Nordegg. Honest.
• Nordegg is a hole that claims to be a town. They don't allow hunting within town limits, they don't serve alcohol at 9am, and nothing opens before 9:30. That said, next to Edson, Nordegg looks cool.
• The David Thompson Adventure Highway is a lot better than anticipated, both in terms of driveability and in terms of fun.
• I love my car.
• Apparently, waking up at 7am is a valid reason to be drinking at 9am.
• There is a bubblegum bug out there somewhere. Alternately, it recently became extinct and I have the remains of the last one on my grill.
• Waterfalls are awesome. And ubiquitous. And awesome.
• Glaciers are fun. And cold.
• Glacier mobiles have tires that are larger than most people.
• It's easy to set bad examples for kids. It may also be socially beneficial to do so, survival of the fittest and all that jazz.
• Sean can run up the face of mountains.
• Parallel parking is fun.
• Jasper steal the souls of tourists. And then gives them ice cream.
• In a fight between the Crazy Killer Crow and a small child, my money is on the former.
• Sean sleeps in car rides.
• Even if one has no expectations for Edson, one can be disappointed.
• Hostesses for restaurants in Edson do not need to have any concept of time. The best thing about Edson is the fact that they have one semi-competent waitress.

Pictures can be found here, here, and here.

On coveting the Governor's Daughter:

He wanted to bang her like pots and pans.

EDIT to add: Apparently bonnets and crenaline are no defence.

What's the difference between a pirate and a buccaneer?

My pirate name is:

Captain Mary Flint

Even though there's no legal rank on a pirate ship, everyone recognizes you're the one in charge. Like the rock flint, you're hard and sharp. But, also like flint, you're easily chipped, and sparky. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.

Now to figure out how to dress like a pirate...

On being deplanetized

Poor Pluto. 76 years in the regular solar system planet line-up only to be demoted and renamed Asteroid 134340. All it took was the discovery of a dwarf planet that has now been named Eris.

Who ever said that size doesn't matter?

Living in this post-yesterday world

"This year President Bush will be laying wreaths at the Ground Zero site in memory of 9/11, one wreath for each of the towers that was hit." -Some mainstream evening news

You mean two?

What the hell is wrong with reporters these days? Say two.

Two two two two two TWO!

You know who can count to two? A two year old.

I recognize that some people like to commemorate the anniversaries of events to keep the memories alive/to cope/to point out that Galileo was correct about the Earth revolving around the sun and as such a trip around the sun is a big deal, but that doesn't mean they need to be patronized. People can deal with hearing that the number of towers that were hit was two. I don't think anyone forgot.

Smoke and Mirrors

As a kid, whenever anyone smoked near me, I would cover my nose and mouth with my hands; my parents would be appalled at my rudeness, but the smoker would often butt out. I've never seen any appeal in cigarettes. To be frank, I find them terribly disgusting and repulsive.

That said, I have no problem with people choosing to smoke. If people are allowed to drink beer, eat fois gras, and live in Sherwood Park (yay asthma!), then people should be equally entitled to smoke, if they so choose.

Besides, letting people choose to smoke (provided that they aren't smoking near anyone that does not choose to inhale second hand smoke) can be socially beneficial; smokers pay into pension plans and then die too young to get paid out.

Now to the point of my post. If someone chooses to smoke, that's fine (provided that their doing so does not infringe on someone else's choice to not smoke). If an individual that opts to light up chooses to do so while driving, that is also fine (providing that it does not impair their ability to operate their motor vehicle). If said individual further decides to use the window in lieu of an ashtray, I am not completely opposed (provided that there is no increased danger posed to anyone else). However -and this is the whole thing that irked me enough to make this post- if you are going to smoke, in your car, while driving on the right hand side of the road, and using the window as your ashtray, learn to smoke with your left hand; reaching across your body and the steering wheel with your right arm is stupid, dangerous, and inefficient. In conclusion, smokers should be left-handed or ambidextrous.

Back to learning

I was discussing my law classes for this semester with my mom. I mentioned that I was taking International Human Rights, to which she responded: "Isn't that a waste of time."

Making Jello Blobs - A how-to guide to making dinner

1) Procure a box of Jello-type mix.

2) Ensure at least one person in the jello making group is literate. (Guess who the literate one is in this picture.)

3) Follow the instructions on the box. (Essentially add water and stir.)

4) Put the jello into muffin tins and put the trays in the fridge.

5) Remove the jello from the fridge and ensure that it is set.

6) Using a flat object (like a butter knife) trace around the outside of each blob.

7) Flip muffin tray over onto a plate. Shake. Vigorously.

8) Lift the muffin tin off the plate.

9) Using a spoon or eating utensil, enjoy slurping your blobs.

10) Destroy the evidence and create a jello song.

Peanut Butter Chicken Jello Blobs and Duct tape

1) My trip to Israel got bombed out, so I'm going to Alaska.

2) Another reason I should not be allowed to have kids: I would name one Dragon.

3) While most people tend to keep pictures of their significant other/kids/pets/friends in their wallets, the only picture allowed in mine is of my car.

The war might ruin my vacation

Stephen Colbert on how to stop the fighting in the Middle East:

There's only one thing that truly unites all of man kind -- the
objectification of women kind.

It's been a while (what a perfect excuse for a stream of consciousness)

The last month has been interesting. Amidst the sports highlights, the long work hours, and the crazy whether patterns, I've managed to have a delightful (albeit disconnected) time. This last weekend, I went to the Calgary Stampede. In summary:

• I saw my first rodeo and chuckwagon races,
• bet on the chuckwagon races using BP scoring (I broke on high speaks),
• turned into a lobster,
• drove through Calgary with an Oilers logo on my window,
• watched people go icing,
• turned into a lobster,
• rode a train,
• drank coolers on a balcony with a couple engineers, Erin, and super-awesome-cool-amazing Lexy,
• made plans for money we didn't win,
• saw OLP live,
• saw the British flag flying high,
• actually enjoyed sitting on a basement floor for a few hours,
• fed cows,
• laughed at Erin feeding cows,
• drank beer in a park in the dark with only tiki torches for light,
• went on a boat ride,
• laughed at the engineers that were trying to heat a portable hot tub that was filled with cold water by using a pump to run water through a tube through a fire and back in (with a minimal of tubing through the fire - what happened to maximizing surface area),
• caught up with old friends,
• discussed the differences between a stroller, pram, and carriage,
• saw a windmill,
• didn't take the salamander,
• laughed at the talking tree (which may or may not have been a passed out drunk guy speaking from under the tree),
• twizzlers,
• laughed at Erin for only burning her nose,
• condemned a man for having a weak handshake ("it's all about the web to web connection") [aside: if anyone knows the guy, could they please pass alongmy sincere apology],
• got a cowboy hat (although, unlike Erin's, it doesn't match my shoes),
• had good breakfasts,
• established several driving relationships (it's ok for cars to flirt),
• and attained blackmail photos.

All in all it was pretty awesome.

However, after such a relaxing trip, my next trip to the world's oldest newest war zone might not be so fun. It's a good thing I have a nice bomb shelter waiting.

Speaking of current events, I was watching the news coverage of Bush and Blair speaking candidly while the microphone was still on. I learned that in the US the TV stations are required to bleep out the part where Bush told Blair that Syria just needs to "get Hezbollah to stop doing this shit." Oddly enough, the CTV online article does bleep it out.

Worst line of commentary ever

"Even though the Prime Minister of Canada was in the audience, the Oilers playing was anything but Conservative."

The stars were bright, Fernando

GO OILERS!

YAY!!!!!!

There is something magical about overtime in playoff hockey, especially in the Stanley Cup final. Overtime, especially a short-handed deciding goal in overtime, has an ability to shift momentum in a way that an ordinary win or loss would not; it has the ability to inspire hope that has been written off more times than the Mexican national debt (sorry, but a brilliant line of sports commentary deserves to be repeated).

I felt so bad for Matt Green when he went back to the bench after Carolina scored on a power play opportunity created by the hooking penalty he took. The poor guy looked devastated. You could see him being consoled at the bench, but he barely saw anymore ice time (and not just because Pronger was on for 33 minutes). But things worked out in the end.

There is also something to be said about hockey karma. In game 3, a gorgeous goal by Moreau was not allowed (for legitimate but heart-breaking reasons). When Brind'amour scored a goal to tie the game, it felt wrong, but in the end, the Oilers ended up winning on a controversial (but legitimate) goal. Karma.

Likewise, the 3rd goal that Carolina scored in today's game 5 reminded me of the disallowed Moreau goal. There were a few long seconds when there was no way that the ref could have seen the puck (unless Mr. McGeough purchased x-ray glasses to avoid further comparisons with an animated character with a similar name); however, unlike in game 3, the goal was allowed. However in the end, the Oilers got a break and got a gorgeous goal. Once again, karma.

The fact that Pisani's short-handed overtime goal made history (first short-handed goal in overtime of the Stanley Cup finals), is just extra karma to compensate for the thuggish nature of certain Carolina players, the terrible penalty call against Staios, and the lucky coin that Carolina had placed under centre ice.

There is something very satisfying to see a crop of cane-iacs being silenced and Stanley being returned to his box. [In general, I have mixed feelings about Stanley Cup contenders coming from cities that do not know ice. However, it seems absolutely absurd to have NHL hockey still being played in a city that is experiencing a real hurricane during hurricane season.]

Finally, since I recognize that as of late this blog has become a collection of random thoughts about recent sport matches. As such, on a completely unrelated note, here's the best line of television I heard today: "They should call you Chad, because you're leaving me hanging."

OILERS They're DYNAMITE!

T&T They're DYNAMITE!

Ever since 1994, when my cousins got me hooked because of their infectious Brazilian fever, I've been following the Fifa World Cup. In fact, 4 years ago, a soccer injury enabled me to adjust my sleep schedule to watch even more of the World Cup as a means of recovering from the surgery.

So far this year has been fantastic, producing its first exciting 0-0 result. By 10 minutes into their game I was already a huge supporter of the Soca Warriors. This team, from a country of 1.1 million, is one of six debutants to this year's ball game and they have already exceeded my expectations. This team bikes to their games, the other team had possession of the ball 60% of the time, and their starting goalie was injured pre-game; yet their back-up goalie, Shaka, shone. (I hope this bodes well for back-up goalies playing sports today, GO OILERS!) Even though the Warriors spent half of the game down one man because of a red card, they didn't quit. Group B is about to get very interesting.

I don't know how some of those Swedish shots didn't go in. I don't think I've ever seen a team so happy about a game where they didn't even score. And I don't think I've ever enjoyed a line of commentary as much as this one: "The hopes of Trinidad and Tobago have been written off more times than the Mexican national debt."

Now on to cheering for the two teams in the "house of death" that both wear orange (or Oranje, I suppose). Other than when they play each other.

Sober Second Thought

I hope Roli gets better.

Recall that scene in Men with Brooms, where the good guys burned a stone in the last end of the championship game; the crazy reptilian juggernaut told them to retake the shot because he didn't want to win by default.

Completely unrelated: I renew my abject disgust for Brind'amour. I just don't like the goon. Dirty bastard. Even if his first goal was pretty.

My heart just broke

What a terrible way to lose a game.

I'm going to go cry in the corner.

Living in a Statistician's Paradise

It's that time of year where a lot of sport seasons are winding up, which means playoffs. To me, one of the dominant characteristics of any playoff is the increased discussion of statistics, most noticeably in attempting to find a trend that can be used as a conclusive predictor for games.

While I don't think that there is a magical statistic that can conclusively predict the outcome of any given game, it is fun to play with numbers. As such, I've found my own little NHL statistic that has kept me quite amused: In this year's NHL playoffs, the team that took the most number of games in the last series to advance has won their next series. In other words, the team that has had the shortest break since their last series has proceeded to win their next series. Allow me to illustrate:

• The Oilers took 6 games to advance against Detroit (advancing May 1st), while the Sharks took 5 games to advance against Nashville (advancing April 30th). In this match-up, the Oilers won.
• The Mighty Ducks took 7 games to advance against Calgary (advancing May 3rd), while the Avs took 5 games to advance against Dallas (advancing April 30th). In this match-up, the Ducks won.
• The Sabers took 6 games to advance against Philadelphia (advancing May 2nd), while the Sens took 5 games to advance against Tampa Bay (advancing April 29th). In this match-up, the Sabers won.
• The Hurricanes took 6 games to advance against Montreal (advancing May 2nd), while the Devils took 4 games to advance against New York (advancing April 29th). In this match-up, the Hurricanes won.
• The Oilers took 6 games to advance against San Jose (advancing May 17th), while the Ducks took 4 games to advance against Colorado (advancing May 11th). In this match-up, the Oilers won.
• The Hurricanes and the Sabers each took 5 games to advance against New Jersey and Ottawa, respectively (they had each also taken 6 games in their first series), however, Buffalo advanced on May 13th, while Carolina didn't advance until May 14th. In this match-up, the Hurricanes won.

So it seems that while teams want rest, rest is actually bad for their success.

That said, since statistics should not be 100% accurate, this trend should be broken for the Stanley Cup finals.

GO OILERS!

Edited to add: Roli is doing awesome, Brind'amour is dirty, and Maggie the Monkey just picked the Oilers!

Stolen Material

Want to hear a good joke?

Women's rights.

In an unrelated story, at work, my boss was talking about some woman and called her a "broad." He then turned to me and apologized for using that term. He didn't apologize because he thought it was a bad thing to say, rather he thought that it was inappropriate to use around other women. I'm confused.

A Grammatical Note to Gwen Stefani

I do not often indulge in these internet quizzes, let alone post the results. However, I will make an exception here because I have always aspired to be a grammar deity of sorts (or at least since I met Tinna).

How grammatically correct are you?

You are a GRAMMAR GOD!

Congratulations! If your mission in life is not already to preserve the English tongue, it should be. You can smell a grammatical inaccuracy from fifty yards. Your speech is revered by the underlings, though some may blaspheme and call you a snob. They're just jealous. Go out there and change the world.
Take this quiz!

Also:
GO OILERS!!!

YAY!!!

Roli! Roli!

In 2 games, 5 goals for and only 1 goal against (and it was scored by an Oiler).

GO OILERS!!!

Now I'm really an Albertan!

I drove a truck for the first time ever today!

Twice!

Now to work on getting my neck a little red.

yyyyyyyyyyyyyyabba-dabba-doooooooo!!!!!

I started a new job last week working at an oil refinery doing payroll type stuff for a company that is in charge of a construction project on site. It turns out that there is a loud horn that sounds to signify start time, the beginning and end of lunch time, and the end of the day, just like on the Flinstones!

The people with whom I work are pretty awesome. Which is good. Especially when one reads about the experiences of others. On that note, I highly recommend checking out this blog about a terribly unbearable co-worker. It's delightfully petty and a fun read.

In the spirit of the title of this post:
GO OILERS!!!!!!!!!

YAY!!!!!!!!!

Like Zebras and Duct tape and Peanut Butter Sandwiches

There are a lot of things happening in the world: Iran is a mess; Sri Lanka moves closer to a civil war with the latest outbreak of violence; and the Oilers came back from being down 2 goals to score 5 unanswered ones (will that be symbolic of what happens in the series? Will more pucks go soaring through the air to land on the stick of an oilers? Will people stop calling Whyte Ave the blue mile?).

But rather than discussing those issues, it's time for a formulaic post. Having discussed issues that actually interest me, I resist analysis by ensuring they remain in a list (of 3, as per usual). I will change the topic, I will make mention of something well-known or mundane or trivial, and I will then make a qualifying comment about the initial topic, which I will use as a segue into a random piece of news that sparked my attention, but does not necessarily stand alone.

I have a sister.
Her name is Debra.
Hi Debra!
She is studying architecture.

According to an architect on a documentary on CBC, apparently Canadian architecture is cutting edge. The Canadian pavilion at some architecture thing (10th International Architecture Exhibition) is SweaterLodge. Basically, the concept is dressing a pavilion in a giant orange fleece.

Apparently, Canada is all about our fleece.

Once the project is done, the fleece will be recycled into scarves and mittens. Finally Canada can clothe an entire third world country in orange fleece. I wonder if it cures hunger.

Broken dreams

At first it was assumed impossible.
Then it was considered just unlikely. At least right away.
Then Edmonton overcame all odds and it was expected.
Until Calgary ruined it.
No battle of Alberta and the Oilers have to play a real team.

And the Clio goes to...

I went to see the World's Best Commercials (a summary of the Clio award winners) at the Garneau. Most of the ads were pretty good and I remember thinking during some of the silver-medal ads 'what could beat this?' Then the gold ones started and I thought 'why was I so impressed with silver?' If we had ads like these on TV, people might channel surf to see the commercials instead of to avoid seeing them.

There was one particular commercial that stood out. The commercial was called "Heart Attacks" and it was advertising for Bonjour Paris French School. (Go to this link to see it, it's worth it.) There was French music in the background, and a voice in French which had been subtitled in English said:

In Japan, very little fat is eaten and the heart attack rate is lower than in the USA.
In France, a lot of fat is eaten and the heart attack rate is lower than in the USA.
In India, very little red wine is drunk and the heart attack rate is lower than in the USA.
In Spain, a lot of red wine is drunk and the heart attack rate is lower than in the USA.
In Brazil people have much more sex than in Algeria.
And the heart attack rate in both countries is lower than in the USA.

In other words:
Drink.
Eat.
Have sex as much as you like.
What can kill you
is speaking English.

Pisani and Hemsky made squid-lovers sad

I had been meaning to post about being done my first year of law school.
I had also thought to post about my wonderful 36 hour birthday celebration.
Not to mention my best intentions to discuss karma.
But who cares about all of that now.

OILERS WON!!!!!!!!!
Being at Game 6 was AMAZING!!!!!!!!
So loud! So awesome!
So many people chanting "Let's go Oilers! Calgary sucks!"

Mom (An M I never thought I'd blog about)

It has come to my attention that my mom has found my blog.

Hi mom!

My mom is a really awesome person. She is smart, she is articulate, and she makes really good cookies... occasionally for people's birthdays... sometimes they're oatmeal chocolate chip... hint hint...

Last week she had Oprah on TV. It was bugging me (as that show is wont to do), so:

Me: I'm changing this.
Mom: Don't you care about what these people have gone through?
Me: Hell no.
Mom: Ok just checking.

Fair enough, no problem, I put on something better.

Then, about half an hour later we were watching the news. There was a story about these two people who had just moved into their first place, an apartment-type place. Prior to that, the two of them were homeless, spending cold nights in recycle bins. Basically one of those hard luck stories reminiscent of Oprah. I turn to my mom:

Me: Look at those poor people.
Mom: What are they complaining about? Those recycle bins looked pretty comfortable.

I loved the irony.

I'm also convinced my mom has watched a few too many design TV shows; the clean lines, bright colours, and opening sun roof must have gotten to her.

As well, I had gotten through the level 1 guilt trip -- the "I don't really care if you do it, I'm just making sure you're sure you want to do so because my indifference will otherwise prevail" level. [It's much less difficult than level three "that is like a nail in my coffin" level or the bonus "I actually do care but I don't want you to think I care so I'm making it seem like a guilt trip to get my way" level.]

So in summary, my mom is lots of awesome, watches weird TV shows, and is not nearly as big on the guilt trips as this post might suggest.

Have a good day at work!

In other news, I'm more than half done exams. I definitely did well on the defamation section of my torts exam. It wasn't even about bananas or conspiracies.

Edited to add: I love playoff hockey, but how do two teams blow three point leads within an hour or so of each other? Now back to cheering for 7s over 2s.

Mind-numbing. Yet another familiar M

I have started to measure success in number of pages done relative to number of pages remaining.

But it doesn't matter, because I have a ticket to an Oilers home game!

M is also for morbidity

Antifreeze.

It's a useful fluid.

It can:

• act as a coolant to keep cars running,
• solve the problem of ~10,000 cats and dogs that weren't treated to the Price is Right special (it might even be a cure for the show's host), and
• reduce the number of people standing around the water cooler...
  because they would rather be drinking what looks like a very yummy drink. That makes everything much less morbid, right? Especially since I did not make an allusion to Jonestown (bonus points to anyone that helped mix the no name brand kool-aid for the SU elections).

Antifreeze may also have been the inspiration for the poison awareness week banner in this picture. This banner, which was hanging over a main street in Halifax three years ago, reads: Children act fast... so do Poisons.

I'm not sure why poison awareness requires a week. It seems to me that people should either always beware of poison, or it should be a one day awareness thing. My suggestion would be November 18 (bonus points if you get the reference), or if the concern is poison being a contributing factor but not the cause of death then December 16-17 or July 3 (yet more bonus points for trivia-l knowledge).

Today's post is brought to you be the letter M

So while "diligently studying" I came across an interesting statistic: the top 5 winning goalies in the NHL have short first names that start with the letter M (Miikka, Marty, Martin, Martin, and Manny).

Maybe Roloson should change his name to Mwayne for the playoffs. (yay! we made the playoffs.)

As well, on a tangentially related thought, the word morals starts with an M. This week I discovered that I have a moral. It keeps my feeling company.

Schadenfreude, however, does not start with an M. Oh well. Serves the Canucks right, anyway.

Paper or plastic?

2 days, 2 restaurants, 2 meals that had a piece of plastic in them. Ick.

As my grandma would say "There's something odd going on in the beanery industry."

In other news, Disneyland/LA pictures and debate pictures are posted.

While you were in class

This weekend, I was at the US BP Debate Championships near LA. It was an amazing trip.

Erin and I got in late Thursday night, had free wine and went to sleep. The alarm went off at 6:15 Friday morning, and I was intending to press snooze, but Erin was sitting awake in her bed drinking coffee in the dark. The second I woke up she nearly jumped out of bed: "I woke up at 5 am because I just couldn't sleep I was too excited, so I showered and I made coffee and DISNEYLAND!!!!!!!!!!" Clearly, I wasn't given 5 more minutes, but it was worth it.

We spent nearly 17 hours in Disneyland, and it was amazing. The rides, the fireworks, the fact that a mom actually told her kid "crying isn't allowed in Disneyland."

Jones met up with us part way through the day and we quickly discovered that he doesn't like roller coasters. And then as the rides were about to close, we went on Splash Mountain and Jones got soaked (served him right since Erin and I had gotten drenched on the Grizzly Bear Run the 4 times we went on it, while Jones didn't), then we had ice cream.

The debate tournament itself was tons of fun. Most of the topics (and the debates) were interesting, Ashish and I did really well, and now I am the owner of a tacky trophy that reads "US Universities Debate Championships 2006." As well, some of the most memorable debate rounds ever, but not necessarily for the right reason.

Even thought the hotel (and I use the term loosely) we were staying at wasn't all that nice, we had room parties both Saturday and Sunday night. The evenings were fantastic and included a human pyramid, a rock-paper-scissor competition, and dancing karaoke.

Then on Monday, Erin and I got to drive around LA a bit until our flight. It felt nice to be lunching on Sunset strip, driving down Rodeo Drive, using valet parking for the first time ever, visiting the 3 story Tiffany's & Co., seeing the Avenue of the Stars, and coming to appreciate LA drivers instead of being in LRW.

Pictures and the page of quotes to come shortly.

Dear Law Students, it's pronounced "Whale"

It has come to my attention that this blog has been discovered by some of my classmates. Welcome law students. In order to make this humble blog more inviting, here are a few recent law school references:

On how Aboriginal rights are defined: "Chief Bob ran into Whitey last week. Now we're stuck."

On the problems with the decision in Peter v. Beblow: "This decision is like the episode of South Park with the underpants gnomes. . . . Step 1: Detrimental reliance, Step 2. Question mark, Step 3. Unjust Enrichment."

On buying professors drinks: "So Stephanie, what goes into a Pornstar?"

As well, it has come to my attention that I have offended Ian, a class mate of mine. Apparently, Ian did not want his drunken identity to be left anonymous when I wrote this post. (I guess that should be no surprise, since he has spent more hours in Scholars over the last 3 weekdays than he spent in class in the last three weeks combined.) To make it up to him, Ian asked that I tell a story about him so that he could google himself and find something interesting.

Yesterday, Ian was playing pool. Off of the break, the other team didn't sink anything, so on her turn, Ian's partner sank a solid. The other team sunk a stripe or two, and then it was Ian's turn. He looked at the table. He decided on a shot, lined it up and sank the 8-ball. He then tried to continue playing because, after all, the 8-ball is a non-striped ball, therefore it must have been a solid. Fastest game of pool ever.

To those that understand both instances where "it's pronounced whale" applies, you can comparison shop for full length mirrors here or here.

Edited to add: Brokeback mooting

Success!

After 5 failed attempts throughout the week, 5 different people helping to push my car, and lots of spinning tires, last night I managed to drive my car into the garage without any difficulties.

I am glad to see that I have high standards for success.

Re child labour: If it can support its head it can support itself

It seems that talking can get me into trouble. In order to avoid trouble, I'm going to recount one of my friend's stories instead:

A number of years ago, my friend worked at a mental hospital that had two patients that thought they were Jesus. On Christmas, one Jesus started singing "happy birthday to me." The other Jesus said "shut-up, it's my birthday!" and punched the first Jesus. They got into a fight, which is weird, because you wouldn't think that Jesus would be like that. In the end, the staff had to sedate them both.

In other news, this week, I was not the most soul-less person in law school.

I guess it's better than "have a nice life"

Today may have redeemed itself from the following exchange:

She: I'm going to miss you.
He: I am heavily sedated.

Tinna, I'm sorry your gift is late. Thanks for the postcard.

Can't you just envision a bunch of seals in a night club?

I've heard there has been a big kafuffle about stopping seal clubbing in Canada. There have even been celebrities (namely Paul McCartney and Heather Mills) coming to Canada to raise awareness of the cause.

[I'm not quite sure if their cause is to let people know that Canadian geography is difficult (PEI, "New Finlend" and Labrador -- same thing, right?), to prove that seals are vicious, biting little buggers, or that less than 10% of seals that are killed are clubbed (the rest are shot).]

So I decided to look into the issue. In all fairness I managed to avoid most of the media hullabaloo, so my investigation was rather shallow.* Instead, I did conducted a brief, informal poll.**

It seems that almost all of those surveyed would consider seal-helmets a disincentive to club seals.

So if Paul McCartney and Heather Mills really cared (or if people do not want seals to be clubbed), they ought to be proactive and make them cute little seal helmets. [I would suggest cute blue ones, like the ones the UN uses.] Alternately, if seals do not like being clubbed, they should do something about it themselves; survival of the fittest and all.***

*It may or may not have encompassed recalling Tinna telling me that some people in Britain associate Canadians with seal clubbing.
**It may or may not have had a sample size of 5.
***No seals were harmed in the making of this post, despite my lack of photoshopping skills. As well, there is a ban against killing the cute white-fur baby seals, so only the less cute adult harp seals are killed (occasionally by clubbing).

Connect the synapses

Some thoughts that are all connected somehow:

1) My heart was shattered recently. I discovered that excel is not in fact infallible.
Why excel? Why have you forsaken me? I do not like being forsook.

2) My shattered heart hearts Jon Stewart.
I may have missed the first half of the Oscars, but that doesn't mean I can't wish he was 20 years younger.
[aside: why do both Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert use blue paper for their notes?]

3) I hope people like green prosperity cloths.
Apparently the only thing more dangerous than drinking and dialing is watching TV in a group and dialing.

Only in Alberta

So my premier threw a book at a page, in the legislature, while it was in session, during a speech by the leader of the opposition.

Maybe his popularity will even go up, like when he threw coins at people in a homeless shelter.

Shoes can't drive themselves around, can they?

In lieu of posting on something substantial, topical, or personal, I'd like to take a moment to comment on a pressing and irking matter.

While driving today, I saw a shoe on the highway.

Again.

This shoe-on-road phenomenon seems to be fairly wide-spread, and I cannot figure out why.

How often does someone, while driving, feel the urge to pull off their shoe (or lean over and pull off their passenger's shoe) and eject it from their car? And wouldn't that be dangerous? Similarly, no passenger that I have ever driven has grabbed their shoe (nor my shoe for that matter) while driving and thrown it out the window. As well, in this post-9/11 world, how often do footwear fights actually break out while a vehicle is driving?

Or is this phenomenon indicative of some new form of road rage? Are people trying to throw projectiles to hit other vehicles that cut them off or offend them in some other manner? Or are there that many Khrushchev-philes running around with an extra shoe? (Bonus points to anyone that gets the reference.)

Do you remember where you were when...

In Newfoundland and Labrador, classes are being cancelled to enable all students in the province to watch the Olympic Men's Curling Final. The Minister of Education wants students there to be proud of their local athletes, to be proud of their province's accomplishment (note the lack of plural), and to watch the world honour the curlers from their province.

Insert creative analysis here.

(Wow I'm getting lazy.)

Torinomania

I love watching the Olympics; however that detracts from my work.

I also love semi-colons; however, I've been told that unfortunately they, too, detract from my work.

Sounds like a bad lawyer joke

It's not every day that the Vice-President of the USA shoots someone. Well at least not personally.

This creates a huge dilemma: which late night show should I be watching tonight for the best coverage?

Trespassers will be shot. Those who survive will be shot again.

Law school seems to make people into alcoholics. For example, me and some of my classmates were at Scholars for 12.5 hours on Friday. One of these classmates didn't even make it to classes in the morning; he woke up in time to head over to the bar and left the bar to head home to bed.

While at Scholars, one of my friends showed up with a story that sounds like something that can only happen in the movies. My friend was in court on Friday arguing a case for Student Legal Services. She won her first trial a couple weeks ago and this was her second trial ever. She put a lot of work into preparing for the case; she had her arguments and knew what she was going to do. However, she wasn't completely familiar with all the court procedures, like when to rise and when to sit, but she figured she could just follow the crown's lead. That is, until the crown wheeled in in a wheelchair.

Over tea and a Suduko

I was talking to my mom today.

Out of no where she mentions "I think I have a solution to the whole health care problem."

However, she refuses to quit her day job.

Mondays - A waste of one seventh of your life

I used to have the (perhaps unfounded) notion that Mondays were the worst day of the week. Maybe the title of "Black Monday" is giving this weekday a bad name, or perhaps the fact that after every "Bloody Sunday" people have to awake the next morning to a Monday of cleaning, disinfecting, and despair. Or maybe it's the fact that I like sleeping in and enjoying weekends and Mondays are the first non-weekend day of the week.

But today I realized Mondays can be good too. I came home this afternoon to find my living-in-Alberta cheque (proof that while money may not grow on trees it seems to come from the ground). Furthermore, the National Post now has three suduko puzzles a day instead of one. As well, I had strawberries with my dinner and they did not talk back.

All in all, today made me realize that Mondays aren't the problem, rather the problem is Tuesdays, they're the worst sort of Mondays.

Emergency Rations

I go out to dinner with my grandparents on a regular basis. If there are candies at the end that no one takes, my grandmother will take them (or tell me to take them) and explain that they should be put them away for emergency rations. While in general I think wasting candy is bad, I'm guessing this is a habit left over from living through a great war.

I guess having dined with my grandmother so frequently, her mentality has rubbed off on me. While traveling through Ireland, Erin and I always made sure that we had emergency rations.

Random fact: the orange Fanta in Ireland tastes a million times better than the orange Fanta in London. (I have no idea how the English ruined Fanta, but the stuff in London tasted awful.)

Pop quiz hot shot

Having booked tickets to Vancouver, Ottawa, and LA, my VISA bill is substantially longer and my sense of logic, which I maintain does exist, is slightly offended. Since everyone must endure equal slights to their sense of logic, I'll share my findings in the form of a multiple choice quiz.

1. If you reside in Edmonton, should it cost less to fly to LA or Ottawa?
a) Ottawa, it's the nation's capital and it's in the same country.
b) They should be the same, they're about equidistant.
c) LA, it's the illogical choice, just like Air Canada.
d) Flin Flon

Correct answer: B

2. Should the difference in cost be >$100?
a) No, that would be silly!
b) Yes, it's the illogical choice, just like Air Canada.
c) Flin Flon
d) Maybe

Correct answer: C

3. How much more should it cost to fly from Edmonton to LA than from Edmonton to Vancouver?
a) $300+, the time of travel is 4 times longer to LA than to Vancouver.
b) $200-299, after all, you have to connect in Vancouver (or somewhere) to fly to LA.
c) $100-199, but you can't complain it's a lot cheaper than going to Flin Flon.
d) <$100, it's the illogical choice, just like Air Canada. Correct answer: D

If none of the correct answers seemed illogical to you, I hear Air Canada is hiring.

If you take a walk, I'll tax your feet

It is my understanding that for every vote cast, the party selected on said ballot gets $1.75 (providing that party gets a certain percentage of the overall vote, etc.). It is also to my understanding that said contribution comes from taxpayers.

So, does that mean that if there is a lower voter turnout (or a substantial amount of spoiled ballots), that less money will be distributed to the parties? I'm hoping that someone who knows better about these things might enlighten me.

Worst pick-up line ever

Having gone through my pictures from Ireland I noticed a disturbing trend: about 36% of them feature beds in them. Often it's trying to see how many people can be crammed on a bed, sometimes it's people jumping on beds, and occasionally it's tickle fights that happened to take place in a hotel room so beds are in the picture (although those may not have made their way onto any internet platform) and some of them were just random.

As well, in Ireland, we discovered that the best way to wake up someone in another room was by banging the headboard. It worked if the other room shared a wall or if it was a floor down or across the hall.

On an unrelated note, going to vote in the upcoming election makes me feel dirty. I know that my $1.75 is going to have to go to someone and I don't like that thought.

In light of all this I've decided to make the requisite "worst pick-up line I've ever had used on me in earnest" post. Apparently the thought of pillow fights and politicians reminds me of sleazy pick-up lines.

First the honourable mentions contributed by some friends.

In third place:
Him: They call me coffee because I'm the finest grind in town.

In second place (from Shawna):
Him: What winks and is great in the sack?
Her: What?
Him: *wink*

And the winner is (straight from some guy in my first year class, and I'm not kidding, he actually used this in earnest):
"Will you be the only car in my hoe train?"

Rexall wrecks all

It's January.

The ice in Rexall Place still reads "Thank You Fans."

Did I mention that it's January?

At least it's only written in English, rather than having the French translation as well.

In Transit

Ireland was awesome.

Here is a view of Dublin at night, on the River Liffey.


Some quick lessons I learned:

1. In countries where they don't have fountain pop, getting a hi-ball means paying for the alcohol and the bottle of pop, which means one prohibitively expensive drink.
2. It is fun residing at the break hotel. Especially when you don't break.
3. The tallest building in Dublin is the Guinness tower. The Guinness factory is also the subject of a 6000 year lease.
4. The oldest pub location in Dublin existed before Canada was discovered. One can sign currency and put them on the walls of the modern pub that stands next to the remains of the original pub.
5. White shoes are never a good idea.
6. In Ireland "black gold" refers to Guinness, not oil.
7. Canada produces some amazing debaters. Congrats to all!
8. Booze-2-Go is the best named liquor store ever.
9. Watching Guinness being poured is a good experience. Drinking it isn't.
10. Two Brits judging for Alaska can indeed represent the "Dominion of Canada" in the world's masters competition and win. Yay for Toques, maple syrup, and "something like Ice Hockey."
11. Lanyards ruin black tie outfits. But one must ensure they have their accreditation at all times.
12. Emergency exits can look like a man in a hurry.
13. Sugar fights are dangerous.
14. One should beware of the South Africans, they have a malarial-meningococcal-influenza-contagious bug thing and an amazing ability to confuse doctors trying to make a diagnosis.
15. Cribbage is fun. Cribbage between debate rounds is extra fun. Girls versus Boys cribbage between debate rounds defies probabilities.
16. Quarantining people to differentiate between hangovers and illnesses results in heightened hypochondria.
17. When fitting 100,000 books into one room, arranging bookshelves according to book size makes space usage more effective, and helps people carrying books down a ladder.
18. Four people easily fit on a single bed.
19. Pajama parties in Jones' room are awesome.
20. Erin really liked her Irish hat.
21. Doors are meant for shorter people in Ireland.
22. Pantomime is French for "musical written by 1000 crackbabies typing on 1000 typewriters for 1000 hours with a bit of LSD added."
23. Driving on the wrong side of the very narrow and crazy roads in a vehicle with a standard transmission, relying on maps written by monkeys is an adventure. Erin is a pretty good driver.
24. Cork is pretty.
25. Blarney Castle has a murder hole. The grounds of the castle have a druid circle, a sacrificial alter, wishing steps and more.
26. Kissing the Blarney Stone is awesome fun, but requires flexibility.
27. Fermoy, home of the Charlie Brown pub, needs a by-pass.
28. In Ireland, everyone says "thanks a million."
29. The line "so long as we're not dead, we might as well be wed" seemed to really offend me.
30. Cork really was 17 shades of green, none of which were jaded.

The problem with traveling is that the period of time it takes to recover after the trip is brutal. Instead of 36 hours in transit (which is long, but included a night in London), it feels like I'm spending a week in transit trying to get things back to the way they were before I left.

More stories and pictures to follow.

Worlds In Poem

After a bit of prompting, I'm back.
(See Tinna, I listen to your emails! Make sure to club that seal so they know you're Canadian.)

While Erin and I never did get a chance to drive through the city of Limerick, we decided that we could still write a Limerick to explain worlds. The complete version is still under revision, so I'll only post the first one.

We went to Worlds 2006 in Dublin City
With 900 people that thought they were witty
For nine rounds we spoke
But only 32 teams broke
And everyone else went around seeking pity